Middle Management, Living the Dream

Hahahahahaha… isn’t that funny?  Learn your phones.  Pfft!  I’ve been using phones Fo-Eh-Vah!  lolz.  Silly MMLTD is silly.  Ur so funny ZOMG!  I know how to use phones.

No.  No, you probably don’t.  

If you’re on conference calls as much as I am (20+ hrs a week), the phone is an invaluable tool.  You need to know how to use the device effectively and efficiently.  This is an extension of my last little rant tip.

Things to know:

• How to mute your phone.
• How to conference in another line.
• How to put a line on hold.
• How to turn up or down your volume.
• If you have a headset, how to connect and disconnect your headset, including while on a call.
• How to use your Web Conference software (like WebEx or GoToMeeting)

And I don’t just mean your desk phone.  You should know how to do all of this on any device with which you may engage in a conference call or meeting.  So, learn the speakerphone devices in conference rooms, and if possible, how to use any of the WebConference or TelePresence software you have available.  If you work for a larger company, they usually have the same gear in each conference room.  Walk into one, copy the name of the device and model number down, go on the internet, and download / RTFM.

This seems funny and common sense, but I will guarandamntee you that some of those functions will be a freaking revelation for some people.  If your 60 minute meeting starts with 15 minutes of ‘Well, let me see if we can figure out how to make this work…’, you’ve already fucking lost.  Worse, you’re wasting everyone’s time, including your own.

Beyond that, you lose credibility.  If you want to talk about some complex financial forecasting, or long range project planning, but you can’t figure out how to turn on your speakerphone or share your desktop, how can I trust your attention to details?

If I hear the folds of your neck or the bristles of your beard rub against the mouthpiece of the phone while you jockey another gob of chicken salad sandwich down your gullet because you couldn’t be bothered to mute your phone, I will freak directly the hell out.  I’m glad that you’re alive, but I don’t need to be reminded of it by the rhythmic sound of your open-mouthed breathing while the grownups are talking.  

If you do it on a WebConference I’m leading, I will boot you off the call.

So please, with sugar on top, learn your phone.