Clawing my way to average
Commodores - Easy (by metalboombox)
Always a fan of this song.
This was on the shortlist, if only because it’s one of those songs that I randomly find myself belting out at odd times. Like in the elevator at work.
Oddly, I enjoy the Faith No More version almost just as much.
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out the English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomolies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using “s” instead of the soft “c.” Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard “c” could be replaced by “k” sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it would be announsed that the troublesome “ph” would henseforth be written “f.” This would make words like “fotograf” twenty persent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible.Governments would enkourage the removal of double leters whish have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent “e”s in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop them and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing “th” by “z.” Perhaps zen ze funktion of “w” kould be taken on by “v,” vitsh is, after al, half a “w.” Shortly after zis, ze unesesary “o” kould be dropd from vords kontaining “ou.” Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of ze Guvermnt vud finali have kum tru.
Well done, yet punishing to read. It also makes the word nerd in me cringe.
Also, we’re at 4,999.
Be awesome, internet. Whatchoo got?
Without Giving Away Too Many Details
This morning’s meeting is in my calendar as “Boring Meeting”.
Are we going to the same meeting? Do you have ‘Waste of My Time’ as a follow up meeting later today?
There is no escape.
Let’s be honest, my friend… no one wins here. I think we’re both in an email doom spiral. Good to know we’re in this together.
We’re gonna have to team up and find someone to trip.
Anyone out there want some emails? Huh? They’re fresh, and so good! There’s glitter or cookies in it for you. And, um, some post-its? Is that doing it for you?
middlemanagementlivingthedream:
It’s Halloween! And I’m at work, of course. I was tempted to dress up, so I kicked around a few ideas.
Here’s a list of my rejected Halloween Costumes:
- Dr. Cranquis (Hell, I could be him, since no one knows what he looks like)
- Rick from Walking Dead (I’m not bad ass enough)
- Joey Fatone (For reasons. Rejected because fuck N*Sync
I see you, and raise.
I think it’s every chubby, bearded guy’s destiny to be Silent Bob at some point. Coincidentally, the gentleman to my left, Noodles (who is Shaun, the titular hero from Shaun of the Dead) went as Finn from Adventure Time this year, with his fiancee as Jake.
Well done, sir. I applaud the costume, and tip my backwards baseball cap to you.
When I was in college, I had long hair, down past my shoulders. And a trench coat. And black denim shorts. ”Silent Bob” happened sometimes just through wardrobe rotation.
Also, your friend wins for pulling Shaun off, and for not only doing Finn, but having his fiancee roll with it and be Jake.
Keeping a to-do list keeps me honest. That, and drinking helps. :-) Actually, just make sure you have something outside of work to keep you sane. Music, games, tv, sports… anything. If life becomes work…
Outside of work it’s pretty easy for me to shut it off. Mostly. I have my phone set up to receive work emails as well, so I will check on them outside of work, but I don’t reply.
The hard part is that I’m in this weird amorphous sales department position where I’m part salesperson but I’m also part customer service, so answering the sales queue is the most important part of my job. Because the queue has to be covered during the whole day, we are assigned lunches. So I got out of a mandatory meeting that was nearly 2 hours and then had to go directly to lunch.
[…]
One of the first jobs I had out of college was in a call center in the payment department of a large company. It was great/horrible job. Great because it told me exactly what work I didn’t want to do, which was work in a call center. It was horrible because it was a job in a call center. The hours were terrible. It was emotionally and physically draining.
We’ve all called call centers for some reason or another, and have our opinions of what happens there. Your opinion immediately changes after a couple days grinding away on incoming calls, always expected to average about 4-5 minutes or less per call. I’m not going to say all call center reps get a bad rap. No, some of those people have completely given up on life, and don’t give a fuck. Other people are just assholes who couldn’t get hired anywhere else, and can’t get fired because no one wants the job. But there are some people who actually do care. Unfortunately, those people are few and far between because either they leave the job, get promoted off the phones, or the grind finally wears them down and breaks them.
Six months in, my manager was fired. Our Lead was moved up to interim manager, and I found myself in the interim Lead role (I made a case for myself as doing active research and resolution on any call that took more than 8 minutes, or required follow up, or had been left as a voicemail in our automated call system). That kept me off the inbound calls for all but 2 hours a day (covering during lunch hours). But that meant I dealt with all the harder cases. All the running around. All the negotiating. Dealing with people on the edge of collections. Making choices between buying food and paying my company.
I couldn’t leave work at work. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
I was a terrible phone rep because my average call time was around 15 minutes. I always tried so hard to help everyone. But I couldn’t. And it was too much for me. I had no power to affect change. I was just the voice for the company, and an ersatz negotiator between our company account managers and the customers. And often I would lobby for the customer, and be told I was wrong.
I was able to find a new job just over a year later. I’ve moved on a few times over the last several years, but I still think about that job. I’m grateful for the experience, because I know what I don’t want in a job.
MMLTD, how do you do it?
I don’t do conference calls often. I’m stuck on one now.
No one knows what a mute button is.
What is that shuffling/scratchy sound? Are you rubbing the phone on your face? Jesus, you need to shave. Wait, is that a guy or a girl? Are you just furry?
Ugh. This is ridiculous.
If it’s a web-based conference call, most software lets the host mute individual attendees. That is a freaking fantastic feature. If you’re the host, you need to know how to do that.
If it’s not a webmeeting, or if you’re not the host, just brace for impact.
Suggestions:
- If possible, turn the volume down on your phone so the ambient face noises don’t overwhelm you with a need to punch. Most voices should carry well enough to be heard
- Focus on reading (and rereading) any materials that were sent out for the conference call.
- If it is a webmeeting and someone is showing a powerpoint where they just slapped all their content on a slide versus carefully sculpting bullet points that foster discussion, just read the powerpoint with your phone volume turned all the way down.
If you’re presenting… well, muscle through. Sometimes you need to just make sure you are as prepared for the content as can be, and try not to suffer fools as you speak.
After the call, apply alcohol liberally.
Good luck
middlemanagementlivingthedream:
Well, if you’re going to shorten it, I’d prefer MMLTD, but-
First of all Mid-Man, you don’t get to pick your knick-name. They get appointed to you. And right now, you’re Mid-Man, like one of the 8 robot masters I have to get through to reach the Skull Fortress of Dr. Wily that is the 20k Helms Like(that was a tortured simile, and I cheerfully redact it).
I respectfully appreciate the candidate’s allusion to Megaman. My hat’s off to you.
Also, 
Now, Mid-Man, you say a lot of things in that reblog up there. A lot of things about babies, and taxes, and stomping on Old Dr. Baffled(rude, is what that is). But you say one thing of import that piqued my interest. You say you’re a manager, that you manage. Now, that’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of.
But is it something to be proud of?
Yes.
You’re MANAGING. Just managing. Are you succeeding? Is it Middle Success: Living the Dream? Middle Triumph: Living the Dream? No, it’s MANAGEMENT. And for a 20,000th Like, I think we can do a bit better, don’t you?
I am a manager, as you say. But that doesn’t imply I’m ‘just getting by’ or ‘making due’. I manage. I manage people and projects. You can’t ‘success’ or ‘triumph’ people. That’s just not a thing.
But if I could, I’d success and triumph the hell out of people. There’ll be success and triumph for all.
If I get the 20,000 like.
Middle Management MEGA MAN, Living the Dream. For a better, different, successed, and triumphed 20,000th like.
Paid for by the misguided campaign by MMLTD to be 20,000.
middlemanagementlivingthedream:
middlemanagementlivingthedream:
I for one think the vicious back-and forth campaigning betwixt Baked and Baffled to be deplorable, and certainly not becoming of a 20,000th Like.
BakeWithAVengeance is concerned about taxes.
I mean, aren’t we all…
Dickbat
Is Dr. Baffled using the BakeWithAVengeance defense against me?
Does this post just show that, fundamentally, Baffled and Baked are the same?
Is that what we want? More of the same?
Middle Managment, Living the Dream. For a better, different 20,000th Like.Paid for by the misguided campaign by MMLTD to be 20,000.
It must be nice MMLTD, to just be able to coast in, in the middle of serious baby-eating-taxation debate, and just start spouting off your hippy-dippy feel-good message about change.
It is, thank you.
Would we all like a change? Or course, no one is arguing against that(except maybe Dr. Baffled). But where do you stand on the tough issues, Mid-Man (can I call you Mid-Man?
Well, if you’re going to shorten it, I’d prefer MMLTD, but-
Thanks).
Oh. Um. Okay.
Where do you stand on baby-eating?
I don’t stand on baby-eating, because I imagine it would be squishy, and somewhat unstable, what with Dr. Baffled gnawing away down there.
Where do you stand on tax-breaks for the people who eat the most babies?
I think your idea for tax-breaks for those who eat the most babies is unfair, because, let’s be honest, Joey Chestnut would win that competition, and he’d never have to pay taxes again.
You’re not coming up with any ANSWERS, any SOLUTIONS.
I’m not here to give answers. I’m here to guide you to the answers. I’m not a dictator. I’m a manager.
I bet you’ve probably never EATEN a baby.
Gambling is a terrible addiction, my friend. Please know you can always ask for help… when you’re ready.
And is that what Helm’s Deep needs for his 20,000 like?
I believe that’s for Helm’s Deep to decide. But yes.
Not in my Tumblr, Mid-man, not in my Tumblr.
We’re on my Tumblr now.
Dickbat for 20,000th.
I find your viewpoints fascinating and enthralling. I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Middle Management, Living the Dream. For a better, different 20,000th like.
Paid for by the misguided campaign by MMLTD to be 20,000.
middlemanagementlivingthedream replied to your post: middlemanagementlivingthedream replied to your…I hear you. That’s when I start coding in VBA and turn off the prompts in Access. “Yes, I know I’m deleting or updating data. Shhhh now.” Or, “Just export my file and shut up about it…
“Shhh, I know the program isn’t responding but I believe in you.”
I want that on a t-shirt.
